Day One of Unraveling

I just came from decades (yes, more than 20 years) of knowing what I want and yet not being able to celebrate it. I finally enjoyed the things I wanted after years of mulling over them with the following questions:
1) Does society tolerate my sexual preference?
2) Will my straight friends accept me?

When every child was thinking how simple life was, I was being tortured with thoughts of how complex mine would be if I pursued my alternative life. I would later find out that any which way I went, mine was complex.

I enjoyed having relationships with guys like me, but not in broad daylight. Somehow, all the wonderful connections I had with such people were all cast under a shadow of escape. I felt and I still feel that my whole life is like one cold drizzly day. Everything's nonchalant.

The worse part of having such a reclusive persona is the reality that my fantasies are as pedestrian as the straight person's fantasies.